A Sabbath Prayer for my father, who took his own life on April 20, 2015. And who is missed so very much…

Shabbat

Adonai were you with him as he drew his last breath?
His final exhale, releasing him of the pain & torment.
His soul cleansed and once again at peace.

It was not his time. But still I pray that you welcomed him into your care, to a place where he would hurt no more.

Tonight we kindle the lights of Shabbat.
He was lost in the darkness God. I pray that each day he is bathed in light. It is how I want to picture him, basking in the warmth of the sun. His favorite way to sit & pass the time.

Tonight we say the Kiddush and sip the wine.
He could not see or taste the sweetness that surrounded him God. It was in the kiss of his beloved bride. It was in the hearts of his children. It was in the love of his grandchildren. I pray that he knew that, that he still does. And I pray that the bitter taste of tears no longer lingers upon his lips. Rather, may there be a way he can still savor all that he was to us. It is we who cry now…

Tonight we bless the bread. The braided strands so symbolic of family. Each of us so deeply & intimately intertwined. And yet, there is a strand missing God.

Adonai my God, the Sabbath wish is for Shalom, for wholeness & peace. May he know it now God. He had not known it for so long. May you help us to know it once again. It seems so far from reach. We piece together the fragments each day, but the missing parts remain. How do we mend Adonai? Help us, guide us. Nurture in us the strength we need to rebuild. Tend to our spirits & our hearts so that they may know and truly feel joy once more.

And please God, place a kiss upon his cheek for us, tell him that we miss him, hold him in your everlasting embrace and once in a while, let him come to visit us. A whisper in the wind, a face in our dreams, or a rainbow in the sky.

Adonai, on this Sabbath eve. As the tears still fall. This is my most fervent prayer.

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