I’m told it won’t always feel like this. And I do have more good days than bad. But when the bad ones hit, the waves of sorrow, grief, trauma and missing, seem to set me ten steps back. It’s the dance of grief, forward momentum carries you toward healing, hope, and life. Then, a turn, a twist…and suddenly you’re standing in the epicenter of loss once again. It won’t always be like this. It will get easier. The wounds will heal. These are the mantras I say to myself. And some days, like today, I lean into the grief. I let grief lead me. Because I just need to be with my sorrow. There is some peace in acknowledging that. I loved my father and I lost him. And I miss him. I thought of how much he hated the cold and the snow. And I thought of him buried beneath two feet of it. A strange thought I know, but it impacted me. Triggers abound. Some we can two step around, and some just trip us up. One step forward, then two then three.. And then a slide back. It won’t always be like this… It’ll get better. Today I’ll lean into the sadness. Tomorrow the sun will rise and the dance continues.

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