Remembrance

First, Mommy asked us all to think of two lines that would tell something about your life
Words that might encapsulate who you were even beyond the beloved husband, father and grandfather
I pictured you sitting outside, your head turned toward the sun
Oh how you loved to bask in the warmth
And then I pictured you surrounded by your family, your greatest blessings and the source of your deepest joy
And through my tears
The words came to me

Then, it was the image of your footstone
A drawing of what it would look like
It was such a stark and abrasive sense of finality
There was your name
The date of your birth
And the date of your death
A beginning and an ending
And the words that I had come up with
Well now, they were actually there
On a stone
A stone for your grave
It took my breath away
And I dropped to my knees
Tears just kept flowing

And now The High Holy Days
First, Rosh Hashanah
Then, Yom Kippur
The Yizkor Book of Remembrance
Your name will be in it
The form sits in front of me
I fill in the information
I need to share something more about you
I want to share something more about you
But it makes me weep that once again
I cannot share it in life
This is a book of Remembrance
For those who have died
And you Daddy
You are in it

It all just makes me weep…
Because I want you here
I want one more day Daddy
I want you to fight

These remembrances are the tangible reminders
That you are not coming back
That you are gone
That you could not fight even one day more

That you chose death
Or death chose you
I don’t know
I don’t care
I hate it all
It all just makes me weep Daddy
It all just makes me weep